Saturday, November 6, 2010

Forbes Releases List of Hollywood's Most Overpaid Actors

"Papa's gotta bring the cheddar to afford his many leather-bound books"
Because people on the Internet enjoy reading lists of things, Forbes Magazine now makes a list of the most overpaid stars in Hollywood.  Will Ferrell has topped the list two years running after Universal paid him a huge amount of money to prop up its poorly-conceived and incompetently-executed epic remake of a shitty Saturday Morning children's television program devised by dope fiends.

Here's how overpaid stars get overpaid:

Step 1: "We've already sunk a lot of money into preproduction on this God-awful piece of shit, and now we realize nobody wants to see God-awful pieces of shit anymore."

Step 2: "I have a great idea to save this God-awful piece of shit. Let's get a Big Movie Star to be in it. Everybody wants to see big movie stars."

Step 3: "I'm a Big Movie Star. You'd have to pay me a metric fuckton of money to be in this God-awful piece of shit."

Step 4: "Here's a check, Mr. Big Movie Star." 

Step 5: Roger Ebert: Big Studio's new summer blockbuster "God-Awful Piece of Shit" starring Big Movie Star is a God-awful piece of shit.

Step 6: "Sup, dude. Do you want to go see a movie tonight?"
"What's playing?"
"We can see 'God-Awful Piece of Shit' at 7:45."
"Is it any good?"
"No. It's a God-awful piece of shit."
"Meh. I'm not feelin' it tonight. I think I'll just stay home and masturbate to old episodes of Glee.'"

Step 7: "God-Awful Piece of Shit" disappoints at box office.

Step 8: According to Forbes Magazine, Big Movie Star is overpaid.

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