|"Did it hurt? When'st thou fell from Heaven?"|
On a related note, Richard was the uncontested greatest player in literature until Hannibal Lecter got himself into Clarice Starling's pants by feeding her some dude's brain. And Shakespeare gives us the greatest pick-up ever written, when Richard makes a pass at a woman immediately after murdering her father and husband.
This would be tough even for the smoothest of pimps. And this guy doesn't have the advantage of being super-handsome like me. Poor dude is a hunchback.
Gloucester is, of course, Richard. He does not become Richard III until later on, when he ascends the throne.
It is said that the high-five was invented for the express purpose of celebrating the unadulterated pimpitude of this specific moment.
My helpful annotations are in parentheses. And all caps. And bolded. And italicized.
What, do you tremble? are you all afraid?(SHE DON'T LIKE HIM VERY MUCH, BRO.)
Alas, I blame you not; for you are mortal,
And mortal eyes cannot endure the devil.
Avaunt, thou dreadful minister of hell!
Thou hadst but power over his mortal body,
>His soul thou canst not have; therefore be gone.
Sweet saint, for charity, be not so curst.LADY ANNE
Foul devil, for God's sake, hence, and trouble us not;(DUDE, SHE HELLA PISSED AT OUR BOY, YO!)
For thou hast made the happy earth thy hell,
Fill'd it with cursing cries and deep exclaims.
If thou delight to view thy heinous deeds,
Behold this pattern of thy butcheries.
O, gentlemen, see, see! dead Henry's wounds
Open their congeal'd mouths and bleed afresh!
Blush, Blush, thou lump of foul deformity;
For 'tis thy presence that exhales this blood
From cold and empty veins, where no blood dwells;
Thy deed, inhuman and unnatural,
Provokes this deluge most unnatural.
O God, which this blood madest, revenge his death!O earth, which this blood drink'st revenge his death!
Either heaven with lightning strike the
Or earth, gape open wide and eat him quick,
As thou dost swallow up this good king's blood
Which his hell-govern'd arm hath butchered!
Lady, you know no rules of charity,(AW, SNAP!)
Which renders good for bad, blessings for curses.
Villain, thou know'st no law of God nor man:GLOUCESTER
No beast so fierce but knows some touch of pity.
But I know none, and therefore am no beast.(DROPPIN' SOME LOGIC UP IN HERE! THAT'S SOME IRREFUTABLE SHIT!)
O wonderful, when devils tell the truth!GLOUCESTER
More wonderful, when angels are so angry.LADY ANNE
Vouchsafe, divine perfection of a woman,
Of these supposed-evils, to give me leave,
By circumstance, but to acquit myself.
Vouchsafe, defused infection of a man,GLOUCESTER
For these known evils, but to give me leave,
By circumstance, to curse thy cursed self.
Fairer than tongue can name thee, let me haveLADY ANNE
Some patient leisure to excuse myself.
Fouler than heart can think thee, thou canst make(WHEN A WOMAN TELLS YOU TO FUCK OFF AND DIE, THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW SHE WANTS IT BAD)
No excuse current, but to hang thyself.
By such despair, I should accuse myself.LADY ANNE
And, by despairing, shouldst thou stand excused;GLOUCESTER
For doing worthy vengeance on thyself,
Which didst unworthy slaughter upon others.
Say that I slew them not?LADY ANNE
Why, then they are not dead:GLOUCESTER
But dead they are, and devilish slave, by thee.
I did not kill your husband.LADY ANNE
Why, then he is alive.GLOUCESTER
Nay, he is dead; and slain by Edward's hand.(BULLSHIT!)
In thy foul throat thou liest: Queen Margaret saw(SHE KNOWS IT'S BULLSHIT!)
Thy murderous falchion smoking in his blood;
The which thou once didst bend against her breast,
But that thy brothers beat aside the point.
I was provoked by her slanderous tongue,LADY ANNE
which laid their guilt upon my guiltless shoulders.
Thou wast provoked by thy bloody mind.GLOUCESTER
Which never dreamt on aught but butcheries:
Didst thou not kill this king?
I grant ye.LADY ANNE
Dost grant me, hedgehog? then, God grant me tooGLOUCESTER
Thou mayst be damned for that wicked deed!
O, he was gentle, mild, and virtuous!
The fitter for the King of heaven, that hath him.(HE WAS SUCH A NICE GUY, I DID HIM THE FAVOR OF STABBIN' HIS ASS, BITCH!)
He is in heaven, where thou shalt never come.GLOUCESTER
Let him thank me, that holp to send him thither;LADY ANNE
For he was fitter for that place than earth.
And thou unfit for any place but hell.GLOUCESTER
Yes, one place else, if you will hear me name it.LADY ANNE
Your bed-chamber.(BOOM! DROP SOME WOO ON THAT WIDOW!)
I'll rest betide the chamber where thou liest!GLOUCESTER
So will it, madam till I lie with you.(AW YEAH! IT'S ON! HIGH FIVE!)
I hope so.