This happened a few years ago at a bar in the West Village: dude rolls up and offers to buy me a drink. Thanks, but no thanks; very flattering, Bro, but I am straight and not interested.
"I know you're straight," he says. "I only fuck straight guys."
"No," I say. "I'm really straight."
Dude says: "Everybody's got a little queer in him, and with a few shots of tequila and a little K-Y, you can usually get some more in there."
And it may be true, but I was drinking beer and not at all interested in testing the hypothesis. Still, it is the unquestioned awesomest pick-up line I have ever heard. That guy probably gets laid every night.
In case you are wondering, my line, lately, has been: "So, let me tell you about this book I wrote." Guess what? It turns out that writing dark mysteries about elderly people is not catnip for the ladies. It's better than "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" though.
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